Full of Grace (I Refuse to Tend My Own Grave) Lyrics – $uicideboy$

Full of Grace (I Refuse to Tend My Own Grave) Lyrics Meaning

[Intro]
The intro sets a mood of sadness and betrayal. It sounds like someone recognizing pain ahead—like they’re bracing for heartbreak even though something good just happened.

[Chorus: Ruby da Cherry]
Ruby talks about feeling totally drained, like he’s already dead inside. His heart feels heavy with pain, and life just seems full of confusion. He’s caught between trying to find happiness or trying to prove he’s right, but instead, he chooses to escape those thoughts by getting high, because that feels easier or more doable than sorting out emotions.

[Verse 1: Ruby da Cherry]
Ruby reflects on a time when he used drügs heavily to numb himself emotionally. He felt so lost that even the people close to him thought he was crazy. He regrets wasting so much time wishing for a different life, instead of trying to live the one he had. He often felt stuck between living and dying, telling people he was trying his best even when he wasn’t. He mentions having “first planet problems,” meaning his issues might not seem serious to others, but they weigh him down all the same. Calling himself “Pluto boy” and “prodigal son” shows he feels forgotten or cast aside. He dreams about someday being perfect, thinking that might finally make him feel okay, but each day just passes without that feeling coming. He gave everything to this life of self-destruction, and now he’s just existing, waiting for it to end. Even though fans say he and \ helped them, he feels like nothing has really changed inside. He’s trapped in the identity he created—his fame didn’t bring him peace. He’s still asking deep questions about why he is the way he is. He feels like Ruby, his stage persona, is beyond saving, but maybe his inner self, “Oddy Nuff,” is still worth something.

[Chorus: \]
\ repeats the feeling of emotional emptiness, like he’s already buried himself mentally. His heart feels cold and weighed down, and everything around him seems confusing. He calls out the tension between being right or being happy, but admits he’s just trying to stay high to deal with it all—pointing to the lean in his Sprite as proof.

[Verse 2: \]
\ opens up about using weed and painkillers to numb himself, even while at work. He jokes that it looked like he was praying in church, but he was really just high and nodding off. His truck looks like a hearse, symbolizing how closely he’s living with death. Even when he dresses sharp and looks put together, inside he feels worse than ever. He admits to stealing pills from his grandmother, showing just how low he’s sunk. He hides how bad things really are from others, and people don’t notice because he doesn’t talk about his feelings. He stares at himself, thinking about new tattoos like he doesn’t care about his body anymore. He’s mixing meds and pushing people away to protect his high. Wearing designer cologne is just a mask to hide how rotten he feels inside. He used to show off money, but now he keeps things low-key and secretive. He says he’s been dodging both death and responsibilities, trying to stay afloat without complaining. Even when people try to bring him down, they can’t stop him because they don’t understand how deep his struggle runs. He compares himself to a skilled shooter, always ready, always sharp. He mixes religion and drügs, sipping lean while reading the Bible, showing his inner conflict. He’s paranoid, buying guns and hiding them, stuck between faith and fear. Ending with a shout-out to his group, he shows pride in his identity despite the chaos.