Napoleon vs Charlemagne Lyrics – Epic Rap Battles of History

Napoleon vs Charlemagne Lyrics Meaning

[Intro]
This is the usual introduction for an *Epic Rap Battles of History* video, announcing the two historical figures who will be battling each other in a rap duel—Charlemagne and Napoleon. It sets the stage for their lyrical face-off.

[Verse 1: Charlemagne]
Charlemagne starts by hyping himself up, calling himself the greatest European conqueror and claiming he led his own cultural revival (the Carolingian Renaissance). He even takes credit for inspiring fonts, referencing his contributions to standardized writing. He mocks Napoleon by calling him a war-obsessed Corsican with a funny hat. Charlemagne then brags about his achievements—saving the Pope, founding the Holy Roman Empire, and ruling for a thousand years before Napoleon came along and ruined everything. He criticizes Napoleon’s overcomplicated military campaigns in Egypt, Haiti, and Spain, saying they led to his downfall. Comparing Napoleon’s short-lived empire to a catchy ABBA song, he implies it was flashy but temporary. Charlemagne claims he spread Christianity through force, making enemies tremble, and suggests he has already won this battle—just like how Napoleon’s love for his wife Joséphine was one-sided (she was unfaithful).

[Verse 2: Napoleon]
Napoleon fires back by calling Charlemagne a fraud and a relic of the past. He says he is the real military genius and mocks Charlemagne’s old-fashioned armor, saying modern war is far more advanced now. He references canister shot, a deadly type of artillery, and claims he’ll crush Charlemagne with his powerful cannons. Calling himself “Le Petit Corporal,” one of his famous nicknames, Napoleon boasts about always making a comeback, even after defeat—just like how he returned from exile for the Hundred Days. He brings up his brutal suppression of royalists in Toulon, proving he’s ruthless. Finally, he compares himself to Dijon mustard (*Grey Poupon*), implying he’s both refined and superior to Charlemagne.

[Verse 3: Charlemagne]
Charlemagne taunts Napoleon’s rapping skills, suggesting that his awkward hand-in-coat pose comes from insecurity rather than confidence. He calls Napoleon a whiny and self-obsessed person who ultimately lost to the British, referencing Admiral Nelson’s victory at Trafalgar. Then, he brings up Napoleon’s disastrous invasion of Russia, where his army suffered not just from battle but also from cold, starvation, and even lice infestations. Charlemagne sarcastically suggests that Napoleon should have hired a school nurse to handle his army’s hygiene. He finishes by declaring that his name is still respected, while Napoleon’s is linked to failure. Comparing himself to Moscow, he tells Napoleon to accept defeat and retreat, just as he did in Russia.

[Verse 4: Napoleon]
Napoleon admits he always carried poison in case of capture but jokes that Charlemagne’s weak rapping almost made him drink it out of boredom. He brags that he is a master strategist and will easily outmaneuver Charlemagne, comparing it to his legendary military campaigns. He references the Alps, alluding to his daring crossing with his army, and mocks Charlemagne’s personal life, mentioning his pregnant wife and hinting at drama. Unlike Charlemagne, Napoleon claims he didn’t need the Pope’s approval to rule—he famously crowned himself Emperor instead of letting the Pope do it. He ends by completely disrespecting Charlemagne, saying his throne should be a toilet instead of a royal seat. Finally, he dismisses Charlemagne as nothing more than a minor Frankish king and ends with a crude insult.

[Outro]
As always, the battle ends with the signature *Epic Rap Battles of History* question—leaving it up to the audience to decide who won the battle and who should face off next.